A few days ago I read back my posts from this time last year. It sent me into a bit of a downward spiral if I am honest because it made me feel that nothing has changed at all. And in a way I am right, I still have Postnatal Depression (I wonder if there is a point where it just becomes depression) and I am still finding the day to day life with two children extremely hard work, and that combined with lack of sleep just makes me feel that nothing will ever change.
Which I realise, a few days later when I have started to think more logically, is utter rubbish. So much happened last year and I have a lot to be proud of. Yes in some ways I am still feeling the same but in others I have done so well this year and I shouldn’t dismiss that just because I am still depressed.
- I took a leap of faith and gave up a job I didn’t like any more and went self employed. I have had my ups and downs but I am earning enough maintain what I want to do.
- I spent a lot of time learning – sewing and photography in the main and I love the things I can now produce. I was brave enough to try and sell my wares in the run up to Christmas and I am really pleased with how well I did.
- I learned that no matter what I always go on. Being a solo parent for the majority of the last seven months was not easy or pretty but I did it and I did it well. My house is a tip and I could sleep for a year but I did it.
- Falling more and more in love with my little girl. Hearing her speak and being able to really communicate with her has made me overflow with love and gratitude for this beautiful girl in our lives.
- Seeing Piran’s confidence grow and watching him come out of himself, and detach himself from me a bit more. I won’t lie, I find it hard and I miss the plethora of cuddles, but his constant clinginess since Kate arrived was really starting to worry me. It is a joy to see him interact with others.
Seeing that it really looks impressive considering that 2012 was by far the hardest year of my life. It is time to come to terms with last year and move on, and think about what I want 2013 to be about.
Right now I am home in Cornwall, which is he perfect place to get some perspective and work out what happens next.