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Letting Go

2013 June 28
by Kelly

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On Tuesday Piran went to visit his new ‘Big School’ for the first time. He was fine about the whole thing before hand, quite excited. I was calm on the outside but inside I was a total wreck.

For so long I have worried about Piran’s lack of confidence and shyness. I have cherished the fact that he wants his Mumma there to make him feel safe and secure but it has been draining at times. So the thought of him going to school alone was frightening for me. Would he make a massive fuss when I couldn’t go in with him?

For a while I have been starting to wonder whether part of the problem is me. Not my actions as such but by being there he turns to and relies on me rather than himself. At the Carol Concert last year he wouldn’t go to the front and sing with the children unless I was there with him. His Nursery Group photo included me just to one side until I was edited out.

So Tuesday came and I took Piran into the school reception. A TA that he had never met came to meet him and take him to the classroom. He was a little shy and quiet but he wished me goodbye and went off with a new person into a new place without so much of a backwards glance. I was shaking and felt sick and allowed myself a quick tear before keeping busy for the next hour until he was collected. He appeared 20 minutes after the time he was meant to, grinning from ear to ear. He had been out at playtime with all the children and didn’t want to leave. He wanted to go back tomorrow. He had a brilliant time.

I am so proud of him I cannot tell you. He has been back again and yesterday and if he had his way school would start next week. I spent this morning listing all of the fun stuff we have planned for the summer – all of which he has to do before he can start school.

I have just come across this post – Stepping Back to Watch Children Soar from Hands Free Mama and it was just perfect for this week. I have been letting Piran have the lead a lot more, encouraging independence a lot more and he is doing amazingly. It is hard to see him grow up, hard to let go a bit but as long as I am there on the sidelines to watch him then I will be one very proud and very happy mum.

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4 Responses Post a comment
  1. June 28, 2013

    It’s going be so hard sending them off to school for the first time. Even thought I know my daughter is ready and looking forward to it I know I will cry! In fact I am also worried about her last day at pre-school. I know I am going to sob that day as well. Thank goodness I still have a baby at home to focus on! Although in a blink of an eye he’ll be at pre-school.
    Sorry, I am rambling. What I really wanted to say was thanks for the lovely comment on my blog today. I love that you really get what my blog is about. You summed it up perfectly. And always pleased to hear I’ve made someone smile once in a while xxx

    • Kelly permalink
      June 29, 2013

      I love that because of my online life I know so many people going through the same thing and have some virtual support and hand holding.

  2. June 30, 2013

    I was exactly the same when Lucas started two years ago & he’s come on so well it’s amazing. Piran will too, it’s harder on us I think x

    • Kelly permalink
      June 30, 2013

      Ha, yes I am sure you are right. He is so excited so I should be grateful, he could hate it.

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