That is the number of bedtimes that there have been since I became a mum.
6 years, 3 months, 25 days
Take off some for the beginning when there were no bedtimes, and those that I have not been home for for whatever reason and that still means that I have put Piran to bed over 2,000 times.
But it is still a bloody nightmare.
Add Kate to the mix (say 1,500 of those bedtimes she is there too) and what you get is utter carnage.
It got so bad in the summer that I started having to leave the house every evening at 7.30 and stay out until they were asleep. And we stuck to it and for a while it worked. We had a strict routine.
I took them upstairs, gave them a bath, put them in pjs and bought them back downstairs.
They could then have a snack and play with me for 15 minutes and then back upstairs for teeth cleaning and a story each. After the story I put them in bed and then said goodnight and went out.
Mr C then sat on the landing – they could have 5 minutes of playing followed by lights out and 10 more minutes of him sitting on the landing then he said goodnight and went downstairs.
It really worked for a few weeks and then they went back to school and it all fell apart. Then Mr C went away with work for a few weeks here and there and Kate was ill and blah de blah de blah.
Tonight bedtime looked like this:
Man came round to talk about the decorating so we couldn’t do their bath at the right time.
Piran decided to put his pjs on, walking round naked while the nice man was trying to discuss a quote.
I reminded him that he should have a bath first. He threw a tantrum.
He carried on putting his pjs on then disappeared back downstairs.
Man left, Kate was removed from watching the TV (which according to the rules should have been switched off 15 minutes ago) – she sulked.
Kate got in the shower.
Piran ate 3 biscuits while playing snap with Mr C.
Kate refused to get out of the shower.
I turned the water off.
Kate got out of the shower but refused to get dry so lay on the landing covered in a towel. This is called being a rock.
Piran and Mr C fell out over alleged Snap cheating.
Finally got Kate’s pjs on even though she lay on the floor pretending to be a rock.
She screamed at me because I tried to towel dry her hair.
She went downstairs.
Piran came upstairs and informed me that he was going to do colouring with Daddy this evening when we is on the landing. I said no. Piran threw an almighty strop, tossed his Yu-Gi-Oh cards in the air and ran crying off into the kitchen.
Kate tried to bring biscuits upstairs and was told off. She moaned.
All upstairs again. Kate agrees to brush teeth. Piran gets super angry and starts throwing stuff around his room and going up and down stairs.
Kate brushes teeth and lets me read her a story.
I say goodnight and try to leave.
Kate cries because I will not do the 15 minutes on the landing with her.
Piran still throwing an anger fit.
Mr C pulls Kate off me and I run out of the door.
I drive to Tesco and buy sweets, chiocolate and two bottles of wine. I know I have to do this solo tomorrow night so I need provisons.
Mr C and I text – I want to know if I am allowed back in the house.
He tells me to sneak in.
He has managed to get Kate to sleep.
Within five minutes Piran is back downstairs, saying he is hungry.
We offer him a brioche roll just to get him to GO TO SLEEP but instead he screams that he wants toast. Then he screams because he wants smoked salmon and there isn’t any.
At this point I start laughing because it is all too ridiculous for words. I have been at college all day and I am too tired to deal. Mr C is having a bad week and he cannot manage it either.
We turn off the programme we were watching, still Michael Portillo and his trains on and just give up.
We all decide to go to bed at 9.15pm.
Piran insists on sleeping in my bed.
I go off, poor another large wine and write a blog post.
I know that we have let things slide but with Kate coming out of her room every 2 minutes and Piran throwing these angry temper tantrums I just do not know what to do. We try and limit screen time, there are no screens after 6.30pm.
You see these TV shows were people spend 3 nights making bedtime magically better. And we have managed that in the past. We really have tried EVERYTHING. But after a couple weeks something happens that mucks it up and we feel like we are back at square one. And we are so much more tired than the last time. I don’t think I have any patience left.
AND they both still wake up at least 3/4 nights a week in the middle of the night.
Advice and/or commiseration gratefully received.