40 things you would love to say at work.

June 13, 2006

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I’m really easy to get along with when you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here – I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision – I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f..king people person to you?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute – I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.

6 Comments

  • Reply J.a.G. June 14, 2006 at 8:35 am

    #39 is perfect 🙂

  • Reply kate June 14, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    love this list! all things i’d love to say. lol.

  • Reply Retro Girl June 14, 2006 at 4:18 pm

    This is hilarious! I would’ve loved a poster of this on my office wall…

    I love #6…I worked in a department of all women lol. #14 and #18 applied to a couple of the psychos I worked with…

    And finally #36 would’ve been a great last line as I quit and left last fall 🙂

  • Reply josie June 14, 2006 at 5:49 pm

    most of these are things i’d like to say anywhere!

  • Reply monkey typist June 15, 2006 at 12:32 pm

    i like #14, 24, 29, 31.

    i have presents pour vous. to where will i be sending it…?

    i cant remember if you already have my email?

  • Reply Anne June 17, 2006 at 4:13 am

    Okay..I lost it at light the fire on your tampon! That was too funny. I am going to have to remember some of these!

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