And your time starts now…

March 13, 2006

…17.02 Okay so I have less than 30 mins left of work but everything I have to do has been done and I am just waiting for the phone to ring so I have decided to just write and write what

17.03 Bugger, phone rings

17.06 Back again….write and write whatever comes into my head because I really really wanted to post today but again it is the end of the day and I haven’t even thought of an idea let alone a post. I just received a random work email from someone who I don’t like for no particular reason except I thinks she is weird. It is about someone I have never heard of. Why do these people send these emails to everyone? Deleted it.

This is hsaping up to be a boring post. I was sure that if I started writing then something would come out.

There is something actually but it is only half formed in my mind and it might come out well or it might just turn into utter gibberish. But with a lack of anything else interesting to say I think I will just give it a go. I am sure that it will be good for me to get it out of my head and onto my blog anyway.

Those of you that have been reading for a while will probably remember that this blog has always been kept a secret by me. There is one person that I work with (and who has been my friend for a long time) that reads it, and this is mainly because I gave him the link the day I started it before I knew what this blog would actually turn out to be and to mean to me. But in the 8 months I have been doing it I have only felt awkward about him reading it once, when we had a falling out.

Other than that I ‘came out’ to Adam after a couple months, mainly because I was dying to start leaving comments on his blog and also because although we are friends we are in no way close and would probably have lost touch (apart from David Hasslehoff emails) without the help of blogger.

Sorry, this post does have a point and I will get to it soon.

I have always felt safe writing here. I have very rarely found the need to censor myself or hold back. When I am angry about something it goes here, when I am embarrassed about something it goes here, when I am sad, happy, cross, silly.

The people that are in my life everyday get a percentage of these different me’s. Some I would never be silly with, others would never see me cry. Some people say that I am always happy, others have to suffer through my lows. But no one really gets 100% Kelly.

Which is why I have loved this blog. I am 100% me here. And the people that I have met since writing it do seem to get a much more honest me. There is no point holding back because they already know I can be up or down.

Recently I have a new commenter. He knows who he is and he knows that I know who he is. He is a friend and a colleague of mine who found my blog through the other person I work with that has a blog. Since I first found his comment I have been reluctant to open up and post about some stuff that I’ve been thinking about. Mainly because he knows the people concerned, but also because he is one of those people that doesn’t know the whole me. I’m finding it hard to let go and just write.

Which is silly because let’s be honest he could just go back and read the archives.

So I just want to say that I am here and I am trying to stay blogging. I don’t think this has come out the way that I want it to. I think it is over dramatic. Really it just boils down to me being shy I suppose. And scared of opening up and being my insecure self and getting burnt.

Hope y’all had a great weekend – Monday is almost over :o)

8 Comments

  • Reply Doug March 13, 2006 at 6:57 pm

    I thought this was shaping up to be a 24 like post. BTW: Should I share some of this season with you…well lets see XXXXX dies and XXXXX dies and Jack kills some people and shots someone to get information.

    Also, have you been keeping up with Battlestar Gallactica? Just wondering, the season just ended here and I need someone’s thoughts.

  • Reply graculus March 13, 2006 at 7:53 pm

    I’ve found myself having the same problem, as someone from my work discovered my blog, and now some people I’d rather not read it are asking about it. I’m feeling like I’m censoring myself too, to the point of thinking of moving to ‘somewhere else’. Which I’ve done, kinda, and it’s good. At the new place, you can limit who see what. And it’s nicer then ‘blogger’ to use. If your interested, email me and I’ll tell you all about it and send you the link.

  • Reply monkey typist March 13, 2006 at 10:05 pm

    that sounds tricky, but its understandable..i hope you dont stop completely though?

  • Reply Dancinfairy March 14, 2006 at 10:03 am

    I don’t think I could stop. All the crazy in my head would start to overflow!

  • Reply monkey typist March 14, 2006 at 11:17 am

    good, we’d miss you!

    and the overflowing sounds messy…

  • Reply Mouldy March 14, 2006 at 1:49 pm

    Perhaps its all my fault! My own shameless self publicising has led this other party to the fairy’s blog.

    Please don’t stop Kelly Marie! Or change the place you write. Just carry on writing as you always did.

  • Reply Adz March 14, 2006 at 11:45 pm

    Just be honest but remember the golden rule of blogging, never write anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to read!

  • Reply Anne March 15, 2006 at 4:14 am

    I think that you shouldnt worry about it. Anyone who would blab something that you blogged to the real world could only be labeled as a complete and utter piece of shit.

    That being said..I dont go by my real name and I have code words for all the people in my blog so that no one would ever happen to figure me out.

    I guess I worry about it too..

    But its your blog. And I certainly hope you dont censor who you are..because I like you. 🙂

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