Bittersweet

January 17, 2010

Tomorrow will be 4 years since the day that Mr C and I went on our first ‘date’. It was a Thursday and he took me for a drink at lunchtime. We worked together and didn’t want anyone to know so we kept it quiet and went to a pub a little further away where we hoped we would not be spotted. He asked what I wanted to drink and I had a pint of lager, my usual drink back then. I remember worrying about what he would think about a pint drinking girl and that I teased him about the fact that he had never used a washing machine. I remember the hour going far too fast and being disappointed when we had to return to work.

At the same time that he was asking me out my Nanna was being taken into hospital. She lived in Surrey and I would travel to see her early in the morning or after work. It was quite a trek but the truth was that she had not been herself since the death of my Grandad less than a year before and we knew that we had limited time left to spend with her. I felt that as my family were in Cornwall that I should regularly see her and keep her company. It was a 2.5 hour round trip but each visit was worth it.

So this is a bitter sweet time for me. It was the start of something wonderful in my life at the same time as her life was coming to an end. For years, whenever I called her on the phone or went to see her she would always ask me if I was ‘courting’. It used to make me smile, that old fashioned word and only the most serious of boyfriends were talked about. At the time she was in hospital I had been single for over a year and I think she was beginning to give up on me!

I remember being at the hospital the weekend after we had gone for that first lunchtime drink together. Mr C text me and asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him and I was over the moon, particularly because I didn’t even know he had my number. I was floating on air as I walked into the ward to see Nanna and realised that she had a number of other visitors, people from her side of the family that I did not know. She smiled at me as I reached her bedside and introduced me to the five people around the bedside. “This is my Granddaughter, Kelly. She is not married yet.” She turned to me and said “Are you courting yet?”

It was the last time I would see her, she sadly died a few days later while I was on a short holiday in Italy. The day I returned I was so excited to see Mr C again, having put our fledgling romance aside to be a tourist in Verona but I spent most of the evening sobbing on his shoulder. Valentines day was not spent with the new man in my life, instead it was her funeral. It didn’t matter. I had an inkling then that turned out to be true. I had met my soul mate.

I don’t believe in regrets but if I did this would be one I suppose. That I didn’t tell her I had met a wonderful man. One who I would marry and we would have a family. That I would be happier and my life would be more complete than I ever imagined possible. I hope she knows somehow.

12 Comments

  • Reply Sandy Calico January 17, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Beautiful post, Kelly. So many similarities with my life. I met Andy nearly four years ago. A week later my Dad died, never knowing that I had met the love of my life, that I would be happy. I'm sure your Grandma is looking down on you with a smile on her face x

  • Reply Mum with carrot in her hair January 17, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    Kelly you made me cry as I'm sure you will others. Grandma will be watching and will be so happy and proud of you and your little family x

  • Reply Aly January 17, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    Made me cry too.

  • Reply Lorraine January 18, 2010 at 12:09 am

    very sweet post Kelly, I am sure she is looking down on you smiling that your courting has brought you your own little family.

  • Reply Jen January 18, 2010 at 9:00 am

    I think she knows. I know when I had my daughter about 3 years after my Granny died, I felt she knew.

  • Reply Bec January 18, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    she knows.
    xxx

  • Reply Claire January 18, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Im with Bec, she knows…. xxx

  • Reply Claire January 19, 2010 at 10:34 am

    That's a lovely post, Kelly. And a very similar thing happened to me. My grandma was in hospital when I met my (now) husband. He took me the 2 hours drive to vsit her when I went for the last time (though I did't know at the time, it would be the last). He came in to see her too, and I am so glad he did. It was the only time he met her.

    Like the others, I think your Grandma knows anyway x

  • Reply WADs January 19, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    such a lovely post 🙂 x

  • Reply Laura McIntyre January 19, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Such a lovely post, it really is strange but i also had a very similar experience with my own nana.

    She was dying , we all knew it (cancer) and the last time we visited her she asked if i had a boyfriend. Craig and i were in that sort of together but we have not really defined it yet stage – i just nodded shyly and told her “sort of” . She passed away a few days later.
    She had many grandchildren and great grandchildren but my children where the first ones she did not get to meet .Breaks my heart

  • Reply armyblond January 19, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Awwwww!!! What a wonderful story. I'm sure your Nanna is happy for you!

    May she rest in peace 🙂

  • Reply Hayley January 21, 2010 at 9:50 am

    That is so sweet. Grandparents are so frank arent they in matters of “courting” she sounds a wonderful lady and I'm sure you miss her greatly 🙂

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