Live, Yours Truly

Clinging on for dear life

February 8, 2016

Feels like we are all hanging on for dear life in this weather.

I don’t know if I can write this post, but I have to write something.

I am stuck because writing helps me, reaching out to friends online helps me. But I don’t think that I want this ‘out there’ in the public domain. Writing about how I am feeling and what is happening in my life has become such a part of me. But I wouldn’t want people to read about it and worry too much about me. I wouldn’t want my children to read it some day. In the past I have been completely honest and written about everything but there is a point where it is not just writing about me, it is writing about other people and it doesn’t feel right anymore.

Just read that back – overly cryptic and dramatic much? In short, still depressed, struggling as a parent to deal with behaviour at home, sleep deprived, bedtime even more of a shambles as ever.

So I don’t know where that leaves me and this blog. I miss writing, I miss posting. I am doing lots of interesting things that I could write about but in a way it would feel wrong, I have always been honest. I don’t want to be false, I don’t want to be one of those people that just shows the highlights and not the real bits of life. Like I am having such a tricky time that my depression scores have nearly tripled in the last month. I don’t want to show lots of lovely crafts and sewing and share the things we have been making at home without some kind of disclaimer that says, this was the best hour of our entire weekend, the rest made me cry.

This post makes little sense but I do want people to know why I haven’t been posting. I will post tomorrow, because it is pancake day and I have a post arranged. Mmmm pancakes.

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  • Reply Archie The Wonder Dog February 17, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    I’m sorry I missed this post when you published it, I hope things are feeling a little better now – you know where I am if there’s anything I can do xx

    • Reply Kelly February 22, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Thank you lovely lady. Today is a better day than that one.

  • Reply Simona February 19, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Hey, we had very brief contact years ago about baby led weaning…
    Did you go off your depression medication, do you think it may help to get back on? I have been on anti-depressants for over 20 years and at first I tried to fight it and come off, but it just never worked and being on them is just something I need, helps me deal with everything else in life.
    You just need a little helping hand….
    Sorry if my comment is unwelcome.

    • Reply Kelly February 22, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      Hi Simona thanks for your comment. I went off the medication last year for a while but I am back on it. Like you I think it is something that I need to be able to function. Life has just been a bit extra tricky since Christmas, some days are better than others as usual. Today is a good day though and the best thing for me is to just take one day at a time.

  • Reply Simona February 23, 2016 at 9:16 am

    I love your picture of the daffodils, that is the good thing about the imminent spring, the bright colours, the new life and beauty around you. I have, in the past used this as way to move to a better place. Wishing you the best.

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