I wake fifteen minutes before anyone else and pop downstairs to open the curtains and make drinks before going back to bed. Sleepy eyed, bed headed children appear for cuddles when they wake.
I am woken by Piran shouting MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY. As soon as I go and get him from his bedroom he starts asking for MILK MILK MILK MILK MILK. I manage to make myself a cup of tea at the same time.
We sit in bed, drink our drinks and play a little.
Piran downs his milk in one after demanding TV. Kate spends the whole time trying to crawl off the bed, or pull pictures off the wall. By the time I go to drink my tea it is cold. I tweet to cheer myself up a little.
After changing nappies and getting dressed we go downstairs to eat a healthy balanced breakfast.
I make a half arsed attempt at asking them to get dressed, then give up. I ask what Piran wants for breakfast, he asks for eggs and toast. Kate shouts at me as breakfast is taking too long. I make porridge for me and another cup of tea. Piran eats the egg, then most of my porridge. What is left is cold after I spend all my time putting the food Kate throws on the floor back in front of her and feeding her yoghurt.
I clear up the breakfast dishes while they play nicely together.
I referee arguments over toys (impressive when you think only one of them can speak) soothe tears, have ‘discussions’ about why we cannot watch Shrek for the billionth time.
While Kate naps I get ready to go out and do special things with Piran, like play puzzles or draw.
I realise that I forgot to wash and prepare Kate’s bottles so I help Piran do a jigsaw on the kitchen floor while I attempt to do everything else. Then I try and get dressed myself without Piran noticing but he stands at the bottom of the stairs shouting MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY and waking Kate up early.
When Kate wakes I am ready to go out.
When Kate wakes my children are still not dressed. I wrestle them into clothes, usually covering around a mile if you add together all the chasing of Piran. I shout and then get annoyed at myself because it doesn’t make a blind bit of notice.
We go out.
It takes 30 minutes to get us all in the car and on our way. Piran refuses to wear appropriate clothing and footwear and / or leave the house. I have to make 4 trips too and from the car. I get halfway down the road and realise I have forgotten something.
We return from a fun day out in good spirits. Kate goes down for a nap and Piran watches a film.
We get back. Both children have fallen asleep in the car on the way home. Piran wakes up and cries for 30 minutes after we get back. Kate doesn’t want her afternoon nap.
I get on with the dinner.
Piran decides he wants to do the washing up. I try to prepare dinner as well as multitask and make some stewed fruit for Kate.
I wash up as I go and dish up dinner on time.
I realise too late that this was madness and that I have used every pot, pan and utensil in the kitchen and I have nowhere to put anything let alone dish up. I spend so much time going between the kitchen and the living room for tears and tantrums that my head is spinning. I finally get dinner to the table a little late (I can tell because Kate is hollering again). The kitchen looks like a bombsite.
We eat dinner.
Kate just eats sweetcorn and throws everything else on the floor. I am exhausted so I give in to the cries for tomato ketchup from Piran. He waves his knife around pretending to be a knight and has it confiscated. Kate eats the stewed fruit, has second helpings. I consider this a win.
They have a fun bath together, and then get dried and into their pj’s.
This does happen but it involves far more chasing of small people than I would prefer. During their time in the bath it dawns on me that I haven’t managed to wash my face today so I do that and Piran keeps asking me what I am doing. Kate cries from the moment I get her out until the moment she is dressed. Piran has flooded the floor of the bathroom and is refusing to get out of the bath despite the fact the water has all gone. I have to wrestle a slippery bubble covered ninja out of the bathtub.
We have milk and cuddles and stories and then they go to bed.
I am exhausted so we have milk and cuddles and Cbeebies bedtime hour and then they go to bed.
I finish the few dishes left over from dinner, put some toys away and then sit and relax with a glass of wine.
I pull the curtains; turn the lamps on low and the main lights off and pretend the mess is not there. I pour a glass of wine, sit down at the computer and blog about it all. The clearing up can wait.
As you can see I need all the help I can get if I am ever going to be anything close to a domestic goddess. Which is why I would love to be an Innovator for Morphy Richards.