I have mentioned the guy, Sam, before on my blog and it was part of what prompted me to write that long post a while ago about who I was 10 years ago, and how I am now. I don’t spend my time obsessing about him but I’ve known for a while that I might try and see him at Christmas.
On Friday morning I wrote the answer to the tattoo question where Ithreatened to tattoo my name on his hand because he didn’t reply to my text messages.Within a few hours he had text me which was surprising but nice.
Girlie number 2 and I had a long coversation about him in the pub on Friday night and afterwards I decided that I was going to stop pissing around so I called him and just asked him straight out whether he wouold be around when I am home for Christmas because I really need to have a conversation with him.
The scary thing was that he didn’t ask why, he just told me that he would really like that too and we have arranged to see each other next Friday. I am not going to get my hopes up though as we have arranged things before and nothing has ever come of it, something always gets in the way.
I just need to ask him whether he ever felt anything for me or was it just all in my head. Was it purely lust or did we have this connection between us?
I don’t want anything to happen with us now I just want the answers to my questions so I can move on with my life. I am prepared to sacrifice mypride on the alter of shame just so I can put this all to rest.
I want it over with. I honestly think I will never be ableto have a relationship with anyone that will work until I have this bit of my life sorted out.
I know the feeling I want. In Love Actually when Andrew Lincoln walks away from Kiera Knightly after telling her how he feels he has a smile on his face and he simply says “Enough……Enough now”.