Every day I sit here. On the top step of the stairs. I play with my phone, sometimes I read but really it’s too dark because I don’t want to put the light on. I’m not allowed to move. The smallest sound prompts a question. Some times I have stern words but mostly I ignore, am silent.
I hate this step. I hate sitting here. I hate myself for hating it. Obviously it is what my boy needs. Tonight it took 40 minutes. I think he is asleep, in a moment I will sneak in and check. It’s definitely quiet.
I am very fed up of the view. My bottom hurts, my feet hurt where I’ve tensed them against the edge of the next step down.
He’s stirring. Not asleep yet.
It’s very quiet. I can hear my watch ticking. I think I hear snoring.
Time to get up and check. Sneaking, holding my breath without realising. Then silently heading down the stairs.