The Gallery: Everyday

July 4, 2012

Every day I sit here. On the top step of the stairs. I play with my phone, sometimes I read but really it’s too dark because I don’t want to put the light on. I’m not allowed to move. The smallest sound prompts a question. Some times I have stern words but mostly I ignore, am silent.

I hate this step. I hate sitting here. I hate myself for hating it. Obviously it is what my boy needs. Tonight it took 40 minutes. I think he is asleep, in a moment I will sneak in and check. It’s definitely quiet.

I am very fed up of the view. My bottom hurts, my feet hurt where I’ve tensed them against the edge of the next step down.

He’s stirring. Not asleep yet.

It’s very quiet. I can hear my watch ticking. I think I hear snoring.

Time to get up and check. Sneaking, holding my breath without realising. Then silently heading down the stairs.

8 Comments

  • Reply Christine Mosler July 4, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Oh I remember this so well…and wanting to scream and bang my head against the wall. I remember checking that I was still breathing and taking in a big gasp of air just to be sure. Now I just walk over that step as if it wasn't there. It will come Kel, honestly. x

  • Reply Suzanne July 4, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Oh gosh we have been here too, when dd2 was between 1 and 2, things did get better – promise!

  • Reply Louise Fairweather July 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    I have had a very similar view in the past. Don’t worry it wont be everyday – it just feels like it at the moment x

  • Reply Lucy Dimbylow July 4, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Oh, that sounds familiar! Sleep training is the worst, but the results are so worth it.

  • Reply Jen Walshaw July 5, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I hope that it gets easier, I could not have done Mini without your support, but things are so much better here

  • Reply Kelly Wiffin July 5, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I have been there but all is better now and my daughter chats until she is asleep. So it gets better x

  • Reply heather July 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    This is brilliantly written, but I feel sorry for you on your spot on the stairs. Fingers crossed you won’t have to wear out that particular patch of carpet for too much longer. xxx

  • Reply Launna Krivousov July 8, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I am glad I took the effort to have a bed time with my youngest, she is able to go to bed on her own and even ask if it is time for her to go to bed. The days in the past seem many years ago but I remember the beginning:)

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