Hard

December 12, 2006

Today I started to cry at work after a disagreement with a friend and colleague and couldn’t stop. For 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, half a hour it just wouldn’t stop. I sat in my seat, staring at my screen, trying to stop the tears, trying to concentrate on something else. I took phone calls and was sure they would be able to hear the tears in my voice. I kept my head down in shame. I was too scared to go to the toilet and get tissue. Eventually I had to and I rushed head down, scared to meet people’s eyes. I knew mine were bight red. I got into the toilets and hid in the stall on the end and cried and cried and cried. I knew that the only thing that would make me stop was smoking. I took deep breaths and tried to calm down. The tears fell and fell. I went to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. It went down my cleavage.

I laughed.

Another couple of deep breaths, a wipe of my face and I went back to my desk.

I did not smoke. I am so proud of myself.

3 Comments

  • Reply cinemagypsy December 13, 2006 at 9:45 am

    Quitting smoking is hard. You passed a very big test. Keep going. One day at a time.

  • Reply Doug December 13, 2006 at 7:40 pm

    My plan is to quit for my 30th birthday which is coming up on January 6th.

  • Reply Adz December 13, 2006 at 9:16 pm

    Sorry to hear you cried at work. I have before, and it is really embaressing. But, well done for not smoking, I am so proud of you, to get through that without a cigarette is something to be be dead chuffed about!

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