The hardest thing of all

November 29, 2010

This morning was the worst by far since I have returned to work. Piran has a terrible cough and I spent all night cuddling and rubbing his back and willing him to cough. We all got some sleep squished in our bed together, he wailed every time I tried to get him back into his cot.

This morning I got up and showered and cried and cried. I wanted to stay home and hold him. I wanted to wrap him up and take him to the doctors and give him a treat for being a good boy. I wanted to keep him home from nursery and make sure he had a good nap, even if it meant sitting with him on my lap for hours.

What I had to do was wrap my sad, quiet boy up in jumpers and coats and hats and gloves and pries his hands from the banisters and strap him crying into the car. I had to drop him off at his Nan’s house and after one last cuddle and kiss ignore those eyes that just said ‘why?’ and leave him there. I had to go to work and spent 40 minutes calling to get a doctors appointment. I then had to wait until my MIL had taken him and called me to update me. I had to listen as she told me he would only sleep for 5 minutes in her arms and that he was definitely lost without me today. I had to worry all afternoon that he wouldn’t sleep at nursery. I left work early and went to pick him up, desperate to just get today over with.

He is okay, his glands are swollen and the doctor says that his cough just sounds a lot worse than it actually is. I have propped up one end of his cot slightly, given him some calpol and loads of cuddles and he has slept for the last two hours. We will see how the rest of the night goes.

Oh he has just woken up.

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