Heavy Heart

January 16, 2006

The weather is horrible outside. This is not helping to cheer me up.

I am exhausted and upset. My Nanna is very, very ill and it is just a matter of time. I feel awful but cannot help hoping that she leaves us soon because she is very upset and confused and in a lot of pain. I went to see her on Saturday and after initally mistaking me for a nurse we were able to have a conversation and I could pass on all the love from my parents who unfortunately cannot be here. Luckily I turned up quite early and got 30 minutes with just the two of us before the barrage of relatives decended. She managed to announce to 5 distant relatives that “Kelly isn’t married yet”! Yesterday she was very confused and I think I really saw her just in time.

It was very hard going there. My Grandad died less than a year ago and I spent a lot of time with him in his last few days. Nanna is in the same hospital and even in the same ward as him which was really hard. It was like reliving a nightmare and I got extremely upset by it.

After I left I went to the crematorium where we scattered my Grandad’s ashes and went and had a chat with him. I said some prayers for my Nanna and Grandad. It actually is a lovely place with beautiful gardens and walking around made me feel much more at peace. There are loads of birds singing in the trees and I know my Grandad loved his garden and the birds that he would spend hours feeding and I know that he is also at peace. I pray that my Nanna is too very soon.


  • Reply running42k January 16, 2006 at 12:34 pm

    I will also pray that everyone is well.

  • Reply kate January 16, 2006 at 3:08 pm

    i’m so sorry sweetie. my thoughts are with you.

  • Reply Adz January 16, 2006 at 6:39 pm

    sorry to hear that – remember the good times, not the bad

  • Reply Ohdave January 16, 2006 at 7:33 pm

    Sorry to hear that…I think losing grandparents is often particularly hard to come to terms with because, if we have a good relationship with them, we associate them with so many childhood memories. I found losing my first grandparent felt like losing a piece of my childhood.

  • Reply monkey typist January 16, 2006 at 10:48 pm

    im so sorry fairy, i dont even know what to say, i wont even try x

  • Reply Cleavers January 18, 2006 at 10:38 pm

    My heart goes out to you

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