Helpless

March 7, 2011


Piran is ill.

He was fine on Wednesday morning last week but then he spent all afternoon sat on his Nanny’s lap. He had a temperature, a cough suddenly appeared and he was off his food.

It has been like that pretty much since then until now. He perked up a little on Thursday but then ate nothing on Friday. Every day he seemed a little worse. Every day he did a little less, wanted us to be with him a little more. Since Saturday he has been sat on the sofa, or on the bed, watching TV. He has not wanted a single toy out, we have not had to clear up the carnage that usually litters our house by bedtime at all over the past three nights.

This is the first time that he has been ill that he can also communicate what he wants and needs (within reason). We are firmly in the realm of yes and no answers but it is strange to see him adamant about what he wants. I have spent today coaxing him to sip water and eat fruit, anything to keep his fluids up.

Recently I had been finding chasing a nineteen month old around quite a struggle. The belly is getting bigger and he is getting more challenging. Getting dressed, nappy changes, going out have all become a struggle as he runs away or wriggles or kicks. He wants us to chase him, thinks it is a game. Oh it is frustrating and hard going on my lumbering great body, and Mr C’s patience.

But this week he just lies there. Nappies and clothes and taken on and off without a murmur. I don’t like it, it scares me and I long for a wriggle or a kick or even just a sign that he would be happy to stand up for me. I have never had this many cuddles but I would trade them for a cheeky smile, or a laugh or even him walking out of the room.

He has stopped talking too. This scared me the most. He is whimpering and says the occasional ‘Mummy’ but that is all. Usually the chatter is constant. Sometimes I understand, other times I don’t but there is always noise. I don’t like it when my baby is silent. I feel so helpless.

He is getting a bit better though I think. Restless tonight, I can hear him stirring upstairs, he is in bed with Mr C he wakes and cries and we have to coax him back to sleep. I know he would feel better if he could just sleep properly. I know I would feel a lot less helpless if I could sleep too.

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