I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about what makes me happy and what makes me feel worried or upset or anxious. I am starting to realise that the chances are that life will never magically make me happy, that like everything good in this life, such as marriage or being a parent you have to really work at it to get the best from it. You get out what you put in I suppose.
So it is time for a change in perspective for me. I have decided that instead of thinking about what I want in the future or feeling worried that I will never achieve my dream of returning to Cornwall and living there with my family that I need to focus on the what I actually have in my life and how wonderful it is. Yes, the house is feeling smaller and smaller as we go on, and the kitchen is tiny and other things I could mention. But it has come a million miles from the cold, dark, unloved house that we viewed five years ago and we have made into a lovely place to live.
I have always loved living here but now it is time to start loving my house. Making it into the house that I want, that will contain my family and make us all feel happy and warm and cosy and loved. Make it into a home.
There are blogs that I read that instill these feelings in me. Everything Cherry Menlove writes inspires me and I am totally in awe of her spirit and beauty and the way that she writes about her home and family. This post in particular and what she wrote about how a home should work for you and nourish you really made me think. I left a comment on one of her posts recently and she sent me a personal email after reading some of my blog. I was totally awe struck!
I love Little Red Buttons and this post about how something in your home should be beautiful or useful (or both) has had me throwing rubbish out left, right and centre. No more tat. No more rubbish. This is not going to be a quick process but little by little I am going to reclaim bits of our house until it is a place I am proud of.
I have realised most of all that clutter makes me really anxious. I want those feelings gone and so I am working on finding a place for everything and then putting everything in its place. All I want to do once both children are in bed is collapse but ten minutes tidying means that when I do collapse I am also able to relax, and that is exactly what I need.