Hormones. Scary.

August 25, 2005

Firstly any man who is reading this post that is of the ‘get over it’ opinion when it comes to women and PMT, just go away. If you are for example my ex who once said to me “Surely you must have got used to it by now” then get the hell off my blog (just for this post). I need to vent and I need to do it now but I do not need any kind of smug arse comments.

I AM A WOMAN ON THE EDGE.

I hate feeling like this. For the last three days I have been mood swing queen. One moment I am on the verge of tears, the next laughing hysterically, the next I am a bit ball of rage.

For one week a month I take things too seriously. EVERYTHING annoys me a million times more than normal and there is NOTHING I can do about it. I feel on the verge of tears and a rage boiling in my chest. Imagine how it feels when you are getting very frustrated and angry, about to boil over. I feel like that 75% of the day. I cannot help taking these small insignificant things to heart. I will disagree with 90% of what people say to me even though I don’t really feel that way. I walk about with this knot of anger that I can physically feel on my chest making it hard to breathe.

I am deviod of energy. I can hardly cope with looking after myself – eating and drinking. I just want to hide from the world.

I am convinced that anyone I see is going to start having a go at me. I go through the discussions / arguments in my head, playing out what they will say and how I will react. I do this for strangers in the street and for my best friends who I live with. All the time.

I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to shout, I want someone to be there, I want everyone to leave me alone.

In short. I. Lose. It.

But you know what. Apart from people thinking I am a bit more argumentative and clumsy than usual they never usually notice.

Unless I have a boyfriend. Then he is Satan’s love child and I am put on this earth to punish him by belittling him, telling him he is wrong and disagreeing with what he says. He can say I look nice and I will turn this into a row about how he feels about me and our future. Is it any wonder I am single?

I despise the evil bitch inside me. But I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it. Last month she broke up with Jon for me. What destruction will she cause this time? She should be gone by Sunday. I really hope she is.

I am going home to numb the beast with brandy.

3 Comments

  • Reply Doug August 25, 2005 at 5:40 pm

    WOW. At least you got to vent a little here.

  • Reply Dancinfairy August 25, 2005 at 8:33 pm

    I have discovered the true power of the blog! Although I am a little bit embarrassed now the rage has been soaked in Brandy.

  • Reply Léonie August 26, 2005 at 11:04 am

    I KNOW THAT RAGE.
    I am that rage.
    Hope you feel better soon, and meanwhile, just know that you’re not alone (not in an X-files way – I’m not in a position to comment on that).
    Don’t be embarassed – embrace it, here of all places is where you can totally and unashamedly be yourself.

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