Well it would appear that the blog issues I was having started when I installed Disqus. It has all been fixed thanks to Violet Posy & her wonderful husband but I’m not sure what to do re comments. As it is fixed and Disqus is working & I like it I think I shall just leave everything well alone for now.
The whole experience has given me real food for thought though. I was shocked by my reaction to it not working, about how much it mattered to me. I will hold my hands up and admit that I have heard other people in the past going on about their broken blogs on Twitter or in posts and I can remember thinking that they should get sone perspective, lighten up a little. I have now been in their shoes and understand that when it happens it can feel that bad.
I have come to realise recently that the inside of my head can be quite a twisted and judgemental place. It makes me sick to my stomach if I am honest but it is true. I hear something someone says and I think it cannot be that bad, or they shouldn’t do it that way, or get frustrated at someone because I think their opinion is wrong. I never say these things out loud, I never act in any way that would hint to my feelings or opinions on the matter. I regularly tell myself off internally for the bitchy thoughts and judgemental nature I seem to have developed.
I know this has always been part of me in some way or other but since becoming a mum it seems to have gotten worse. Perhaps there is just more fodder for this side of me these days? Decisions on how to raise a child, how they eat or sleep. Routines and styles of parenting. We make these choices every day, and what works for one child will not work for another. All of this gives us a million subjects everyday that we feel we have a valid opinion on.
I am learning to be more tolerant I hope. Some days I have to step away from Twitter or blogs because the things I read makes my blood boil. Stupid, inconsequential things that are not worth any kind of time or effort on my part. Who am I to judge how others choose to live their life?
I wonder if it is just me, or if other people’s internal monologues can occasionally tend towards the unacceptable? Do you have any internal traits like that? Do you censor yourself or are you exactly the same on the outside as the inside?
Note: seems the settings on my blog are not quite right so I have blogger comments on this post. I’m writing this from my phone so can’t get Disqus to work tonight. Not sure what to do now!