Today is my last day at work. I have been looking forward to this for the past three weeks, as I have worked up to 36 weeks this time (I left at 33 last time and that was a much better idea!). I have had my embarrassing presentation, been given some sweet baby gifts, and visited the pub for lunch. Now I am just waiting to go home (couldn’t resist one last quick blog from work. It’s a long time since I did this actually. I was far too well behaved).
I feel strange. It is not like last time at all. I don’t think the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived and a little bit under the weather is helping much.
I had a ten minute cry in the toilets before 8.30, it was all a little overwhelming to be honest. And I’d made a hole in the knee of my leggings with my handbag which was obviously the end of the world.
I think today, for the first time it has hit me.
I am going to have another baby.
I know, I know, the bump on my front that moves of its own accord should have given it away before now.
I want this baby so much. I am looking forward to having a few short weeks that include two days all to myself before she arrives. I need to find a bit of time and energy to focus on myself and on her to prepare for when she arrives. I know how lucky I am, I know that I have friends that will not have that luxury. Piran will still go to nursery two afternoons a week and to his grandparents for a day and a half. Good job too if this morning was anything to go by – by 7am (30 minutes before we were due to leave) he was standing by the door with shoes in one hand, coat in the other shouting ‘Nanny’. Nice to know where we stand eh?
What is going to happen? What will this baby be like? Will she be happy and content? Will she cry 24 hours a day? Will she ever sleep? In a way second time round is a bit worse I think because although I have blocked a lot of it out I still have a fair idea of what is coming. I am not sure what I did with Piran all day in the early days but I do remember having to get Mr C to make me toast in the morning before he left so I would be sure to eat something that day. I can remember 8pm bedtimes and not managing a shower at times. I remember having very little time and energy but now we have our little monkey chops running about the place, keeping me on my toes with cries of Choo-choo, juse-juse and beebies.
And what will he think of the new arrival? At 20 months he really has no comprehension of what is about to happen! Someone said to me at least he will never remember a time when there was just him, which I suppose is a benefit, but a little sad in a way. I hope I can remember though. It’s been an amazing time, so hard but so very, very worth it.
Well, whatever happens we will deal with it.
We will be a family of four. Two adults, best friends and partners. Two children to drive us mad and overwhelm us with love in equal measures.
What do you do when your dreams actually come true?