Today I went to the doctor to talk to her about starting to stop taking my antidepressants.
It is a strange feeling to be here. I don’t want to count my chickens but I feel so much better than I did and that makes me want to scream and shout a bit. I did it, I bloody did it.
Friends on twitter told me that when you have two children it is very very hard but after the first year you start to feel human again and it starts to get easier. I trusted them so I believed them but at the time inside I was screaming WHAT? A YEAR? A WHOLE YEAR? YOU MUST BE JOKING.
Well, I can honestly say that they were right. Kate came into our lives 352 days ago, and as I rush headlong towards the huge milestone that is her first birthday I definitely feel that this is now easier, that going out and doing things, getting through a day at home, managing to look after a family of four is not the impossible task that I felt it was at times over the last twelve months.
And now it is me in that position, with a very good friend due to give birth imminently to her second child, my best friend pregnant with her second in the summer, trying to find the balance between warning them that two children IS MIND BLOWING SOUL SUCKING SLEEP DEPRIVING UTTER CHAOS and reassuring them that yes, this will be hard but if I can do it they can and that I will always be here for them. Just concentrate on getting through the first year.
We are so blessed with our beautiful children and now I have a handle on them and looking after them and getting through each day it is time to turn my attention to myself for a bit. The next few months are going to be hard with Mr C away during the week 75% of the time, but we have our routines and our friends and I am sure we will be fine. I have left my job of eight years and now I work one day a week freelance for the Owl and Sewing Cat, updating their website and I am starting blogging for them too. Any of you sewing / crafty people should check it out. And if you are local to Eastbourne then I highly recommend their workshops – I have attended both the dressmaking and quilting ones and I loved every minute.
I am also making a little money from this blog, and a couple of other things that I have been working on. I still feel like there are not enough hours in the day to get stuff done and shortly I will have a backlog of reviews on the blog but slowly it is all slotting into place. One thing that I am doing at the moment is attending a three week Beginners DSLR course with Jerry Lebens Photography School and after the first week I must admit that I love it but it is definitely a trial and error thing. This is my favourite photo so far this week. It is great to get my brain thinking of something new.
I love my life. I love being home but I really love having the opportunity to do something new. I am learning and it is exciting. And under it all I am remembering what it is like to be me.