Mr C just left for work and I found it so far to keep smiling. I wanted to cry and ask him to stay but I can’t. He has an important job to do and he needs to go and do it. It is just that I have no idea what is wrong with Piran and I am low on sleep and energy and just any kind of mental strength at all.
I thought Piran had a bug on Monday – he threw up his first bottle of the day (8oz milk in full geyser effect. It just kept coming and coming.) Then there was a sucession of bad dirty nappies and much sleeping on mummy’s lap. I knew he was ill because he was so still, he never lets me cuddle him usually. He looked so pale and sad. My poor baby. In the evening he developed a temperature and we called NHS Direct for advice. They were fabulous as usual and told us to give him milk and food, little and often.
So it is now Wednesday morning. Piran was only sick once yesterday – when Mr C gave him his first bottle of the morning – luckily only a couple of ounces. Then there was much of the same yesterday – he will drink 4oz milk at a time, and keep it down. He refuses any kind of food, whether finger foods or puree / yoghurt either fed to him or on a pre loaded spoon. The weaning was beoming a strain before all this started anyway. Baby led weaning is really HARD (that needs a post all of its own!)
We are back to the rhythms of a new baby. Offering food at regular intervals, him sleeping on my lap, his bedtimes all mixed up. Starting the day earlier and earlier (5am this morning *yawn*). Three changes of clothes a day, usually for both of us. The washing machine on constantly. One person eating their dinner while the other holds the baby then switching. Being up 2, 3 times in the night. I feel like I am losing my mind, it is completely crazy. How quickly you forget what this was like.
I just feel so useless, I have no idea what I am doing. I know to make sure that he has a wet nappy every couple of hours, and I am happy that he is not dehydrated because it is only that one bottle, first thing in the morning that we give him that comes shooting back up. I just don’t understand what is going on. I miss my baby’s smiles, they have been few and far between this week – something to be remarked on, rather than the norm. It must be horrible to be sick at that age, so scary and hard to understand. I wish I could tell what he wants or needs, I wish he could tell me.
I am waiting until 8.30 and then I will call the doctor and see if I can take him in today, just to be sure he is okay. I just want him to get better, my poor little man.