I remember this age with Piran so well. One moment they seem so young and little, full of fire and tantrums and just being three and wanting their own way all of the time. Then a few short months pass and they are suddenly weeks from their fourth birthday and I watch them grow up before my eyes. With Piran it was a hard time for me, worrying that he was too young to go to school, if we had made the right decision to send him when he was just 4 years old. This time round I can see the behaviours that she is starting to show and see how she will slot in at school with no trouble. I can see that her brain is just ready to be filled with letters and sounds and numbers and how she will enjoy that.
Suddenly she is bigger, taller, longer, thinner. She is stronger. More able, more controlled. She flies past me on her scooter with confidence. She is trying everything that has scared her before – that big slide here, climbing on this, jumping off that. She wants to write letters, can do her own name.
Lots of things are getting slowly better. You can reason with her more suddenly. Distraction works when she is upset, more than ever before. Tears are much more genuine, and most meals she will actually stay sat at the table. She is still not a massive fan of dinner but she will have a bit most nights.
She is developing proper friendships and preferences for certain people. She definitely knows who she wants to invite to her party this year – last year that was totally my domain. She can still be shy in certain situations, but it doesn’t last so long and I know from experience with Piran that school helps with that, gives them the confidence to talk to adults more.
She no longer sits in my lap. Cuddles are sharp edges and limbs everywhere. She doesn’t cuddle anyway, preferring to jump on the object of her affection to show that she cares. She loves to sing. She loves to bounce.
I am ready for her to grow up, for us to move onto he next stage of our lives. Occasionally I feel an ache that I was so lost at times during her baby days. Sad that most of her life so far has been balanced out by my postnatal depression, my daily mental state. Sometimes I wonder if we did it again would I be okay, could I experience it all again but ‘better’. I soon realise that there is no guarantee what another baby would be like, how it would affect our lives. We have sold all the baby paraphernalia, there is no room in this house for anyone person. I need to put all my energy now into settling her into a school routine after the summer and starting to adjust to having my days free again.
We have a few weeks left of just us and I plan on making the most of every day it is just Kate and I. Last week she wanted to go to the farm. Within reason I plan on doing exactly what she wants to do on our ‘Mummy-Kate’ days. It is nice to say yes for a change.
Right now though I have to go. It is Monday morning, just after six and she is in the kitchen, hopping and chanting out what she wants for breakfast. She never leaves me in peace for long.