Old Skool outpourings!

July 14, 2005

This is so funny. When I was clearing out my room last night I found some floppy disks that looked ages old! Brought them into work and I found all these in a word document. Bit long winded I know but so amusing to me that I just have to add it. They are all from various journals I have kept over the years. I am such a nutter sometimes.

Kelly’s Quotations

Monday 16th July 2001.

“My life is very strange to me at the moment. But I don’t think that that is too unusual for me. I think I have always felt a kind of detachment. Or perhaps that is how I feel about the way being a person is. What I mean is I constantly think about stuff. I know so much. I can function without even thinking about it, even complex tasks. This is all too hectic to put into words! I am too tired to be philosophical.”

Tuesday 24th July 2001

“I am happy the majority of the time. I am sure I never felt like this with Ali but it is just as likely that it was the drugs.”

Monday 20th August 2001

“Good things have happened to me since Ali and I split up. I live in a town which I love. I have learnt I can cope alone in Brighton. I completed my NVQ. I have remembered what girl friends are for and how wonderful they are in Nat and Tez. I have been reminded that I am a sexy lady who can pull. I have someone new in my life that I enjoy spending time with. I get regular sex (more than Ali and I had). I get treated like a lady. I have started to write again. I have watched films, read more books and remembered why I love music. I have made some fantastic friends in Jola, Adam and Ian.”

Wednesday 3rd October 2001

“I just can’t get over the fact that I feel so happy at the moment. It seems so strange.”

Tuesday 9th October 2001

“A small idea came to me last night when I realized that I hadn’t written for ages. Perhaps I don’t write when I am happy because I don’t need to so much.”

Wednesday 10th October 2001

“Aggh – Mum’s stoned radar is on full form tonight – why does she always call when I am stoned?”

Sunday 25th November 2001

Letter written to Ali (not meant for him to ever read!)
“I have leant so much about myself, and I really like the person that I am most days, which is a new concept for me. I am so unbelievably proud of myself but just cannot help thinking that it is some kind of empty victory without you.”

“I am on my own for the first time in my life, and it truly is the most liberating, scary, informative experience I have ever had………I cannot even do it justice in words.”

Tuesday 11th December 2001

“I have all this baggage that needs to be sorted out before accepting anyone in my life.”

Sunday 16th December 2001

“High heels, long red dress, red helium balloon tied to my bag. It was a beautiful morning and it felt good. Talk about walk of shame.”

Sunday 13th January 2002

“…really try and be true to myself this year and put myself first. I need to make sure that I grab every chance that comes along with both hands and try to make the best of every situation.”

Thursday 17th January 2002

“Sunday usually comes along and I think I have nothing to do this week, and then by Monday night I have my entire week planned. Not that I am complaining I just have not felt this happy and content for so long that it takes a little getting used to. It has just occurred to me that I have removed all of the people that sucked my energy. I have moved away from my family, I have broken up with Ali and I only see the people I want to see when I want to see them.”

Thursday 31st January 2002

“Am really trying to let go of all my hang ups about accepting compliments and feeling I owe someone something in return if they are generous to me.”

“I keep trying to analyse all that is happening and it is bad, I am just creating problems. One day at a time.”

Monday 4th February 2002

On Steve:
“It is silly but I am really happy because it is all normal. No surprises, good clean fun, uncomplicated sex, and he turns me on so much and makes me feel so normal. And it is fantastic. I feel so ridiculously happy.”

“Refuse to wait for something to go wrong, it is a new start and I have really good feelings about the whole thing.”

Tuesday 5th February 2002

“Sex, sex, glorious sex! Nothing like loads of sex to make Kelly a smug bitch.”

Saturday 16th February 2002

“And I know that I am sure as hell not perfect so we will see.”

Monday 6th May 2002

“I am troubled, so as usual I pick up my trusty book. I think that I should get back in the habit of writing more often. Even if I am happy it helps me sort my priorities.”

1 Comment

  • Reply Doug October 18, 2005 at 4:44 pm

    “Aggh – Mum’s stoned radar is on full form tonight – why does she always call when I am stoned?”

    This was very true for me as well. It’s like she could smell it 4 states over or something.

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