Letters to my children

One and three quarters

May 1, 2011

Dear Piran,

Oh my. 21 months old, one and three whole quarters. I thought that these letters would get easier to write but if anything it is harder. Every day there is something else I learn about you, a new thing that you do and I try and store it all in my brain to bring out at times like this but it is getting crowded in there and I don’t want to forget a thing. You amaze me every single day.

The past three months have been hard on everyone in our little family. You were ill for at least a month. Every time we thought you were getting a little bit better something would happen and you would relapse a little. Sometimes a lot. It will take me a long time to forget seeing you that poorly. Some days you lay on the sofa all day with just your quilt and the television on.

Your dad and I knew you were feeling very bad because you were quiet and there were no toys out at all and you didn’t eat at all. One day you didn’t speak at all and I hated it because oh, usually you are such a chatterbox. It is never quiet around here. You talk all the time. You shout and laugh and have great long conversations that I do not understand. I laugh and tell you to slow down and try and tell me what you want. You can tell us a lot though. You are good at putting words together too. You can ask where something is “Oh, where’s bubba?”, or tell me that you have found it “there he is”. You tell us what you would like to eat (usually a banana or a biscuit), that you would like to go somewhere (usually Nanny’s or outside).

You have lots and lots of words and you learn new ones every day. Everything bigger than a car is a Tractor. If you don’t know the word you will try and show me. If you are hungry you go and get your bib. Each day you and I communicate even more and I love it. I love that you want to say goodbye every time you leave the room. That you cuddle me when I ask if I am lucky, and seek out cuddles towards the end of the day. If I ask for a kiss sometime you will bring your face to mine.

We ask you where the baby is and you pat your tummy. You pat my big round baby filled tummy too. I love that. You are so full of love for everyone that I am so very excited for you to meet your sister. It won’t be long now. I know that it will all be new and confusing and that things will change but I promise that everything will be just fine.

You love to give us directions, to point out which way we should go and what we should do. When you first learned to walk you didn’t really like it outside. Now you love it. You will happily spend a whole day in the garden and then cry and cry when we make you come in at night. You love to go out in your trike, have us push you along as you wave to everyone you see. You would spend every minute of your day with Nanny, Grandad and Auntie Ali. As soon as you see Ali your arms go up in the air. I don’t get a look in.

You have the funniest expressions. You like to dance and do action songs, like wheels on the bus. Sometimes you get so excited about something you wave your arms and kick your legs, particularly in the car.You say “Wow” with an intake of breath when something excites you. You say “Oh-no” whenever you drop something or see something go wrong on the TV (every morning watching Thomas the Tank Engine, they are always crashing and having accidents). You love hats and wear one every day. We bought you a pair of sunglasses because you wore mine all the time and you wear them indoors too. You can hardly see what you are doing. You lift them up and say “Hello”.

You love to help Daddy in the garden. You fill up the pots with soil when he is potting up. You have your own small watering can and you help water the plants (and your shoes and the grass). You play with the stones from the paths, moving them round and posting them through the gaps in the bench. You play ball and ride on your scuttlebug and like to sit down next to me on the bench to have a rest and a drink and then off you go again.

This is a difficult age I am sure. Sometimes you are so frustrated by not being allowed something immediately or at all that it gets to much and you lie down and cry and cry and cry. I know it is hard my darling, it will get easier I promise. Be gentle with me, I always want you to be happy I promise but sometimes you just cannot have what you want. I will always be there with a cuddle when you calm down I promise. You can be very hard work if you are tired or hungry. You don’t always have to wriggle and cry when we try to get you dressed. You do have the funniest moody sulky face and occasionally you shoot me a look that is pure teenager. I’m sorry that I laugh.

I wrote this letter a few days early this time. Maybe you are a big brother already, maybe we are all still waiting for your sister to arrive. This letter seems more inportant than usual, as there are some things I want to say to you at the point that our family of three becomes four. You have taught me so much in the past 21 months since you arrived in our life all big and beautiful. You have taught me patience and that something you love can infuriate you so much. You have taught me to stop and capture amazing moments in life that could be seen as ordinary if I wasn’t concentrating. You have taught me that laughter can dispel even the darkest mood. Oh, there is so much that I am thankful for, and I will never get it all down here.

Simply Buddy, you rock.

All my love

Mum x

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