Live, Yours Truly

One day at a time

November 22, 2015

Blogging every day in November was a bust then.

Managing anything at the moment is not going so well.

Good days are good days and I manage to make sure we have supplies, I run the errands and do the shopping. I write lists and make plans. I do some college work.

Then there are the bad days. The days when everything is just too much effort. I wander the house aimlessly. I fixate on something and get myself into such a state that I am unable to function. I make myself ill.

I know when these days come I need to be kind to myself. I know that I should just curl up and read, do the bare minimum, just get all of us through one day at a time.

But I can’t help feeling frustrated and useless. I see friends who work full time, look after their family and still manage to get more done than I do. I feel ashamed that I am not one of those people.

I want to write to get this out but I know that some people will read it and feel concerned. I don’t want to worry the people that love me, those that I have a responsibility to and for, those that I work for. So I think I should just be quiet and get on with it.

But my brain hurts and my head hurts and my heart aches that I am not more than I am.

And then there is a good day and I feel silly, like this is all in my head.

I shared this on Facebook recently, it really hit the nail on the head. With anxiety comes worry – but with depression comes the inability to do anything about it.

I have been to the doctor, increased my medication. I have self referred myself to the local mental health NHS support and I am waiting to hear from them. I am going to stop worrying about it and write more about how I feel because that makes a difference.

I am actually ill this weekend which doesn’t help – I have been trying to sleep and rest and take care of myself. I have spent most of today in bed.

A weekend spent at home, mostly in bed. Bad headaches (mine), snotty noses, headaches and sore throats (theirs) have put pay to a nice weekend. Plans cancelled, friends missed, sleep interrupted. Feel utterly void of any kind of energy though as I lay here in the afternoon sunlight. Thank goodness for the wonderful Mr C who is looking after us all. #littlestoriesofmylife #weekendscollected

A weekend spent at home, mostly in bed. Bad headaches (mine), snotty noses, headaches and sore throats (theirs) have put pay to a nice weekend. Plans cancelled, friends missed, sleep interrupted. Feel utterly void of any kind of energy though as I lay here in the afternoon sunlight. Thank goodness for the wonderful Mr C who is looking after us all. #littlestoriesofmylife #weekendscollected

I will keep on taking one day at a time.

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4 Comments

  • Reply PhotoPuddle November 23, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Huge hugs xxx Sorry you are having a tough time. I am sure happier days are just round the corner xxx

    • Reply Kelly November 25, 2015 at 9:44 am

      Thank you lovely. This week has been better so that is good.

  • Reply Laura November 23, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Hey lovely, I’ve been there for a long time and after lots of bad days am having a run of good. I stripped everything back and simplified life to get through. One day at a time, like you say, and you MUST take care of yourself. Read, take a bath, sleep – whatever relaxes you and don’t feel guilty about it. Lx

    • Reply Kelly November 25, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Thank you Laura, will do as I am told 🙂

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