An open letter

November 12, 2005

Dear Mr Cold,

You will note that I am calling you Mr. That is because I am much better at directing anger at males. And I am angry.

It is Saturday night. So what you might say. Well it’s not just any Saturday night. It is the first Saturday night in weeks, no months, that I had real plans to go to real places with real people. I am meant to be here. With my lovely friends. One of which is going away for a while and it was the last chance we had to let our hair down (and not literally, I was going to wear my hair up, and it was going to be NICE). We were going to have FUN, do some drinking and dancing (two of my favourite things). There were going to be real people there and we were going to smile and laugh.

But no you bastard. Thanks to you and your lingering, not going away, evilness I am sat on the sofa. Alone. Wearing Pj’s, a fluffy dressing gown and watching X Factor. I am offically sad and will die alone.

I hate you cold / sinus infection / random tinitus / cracking headache. I could have gone out this evening, had a brilliant time, made a million men fall in love with me and my wonderful dance moves, and with a bit of hope one of them might have asked for my number.

Not that I’m bitter I just wanted to wear something pretty and dance to some Kylie and other great popness.




  • Reply Anonymous November 13, 2005 at 2:49 pm

    Dear Kelly,

    Thank you for your letter. I must apologise for making you feel this way, I appear to have seriously misjudged our relationship. We’ve been friends since you were little and I’ve always tried to visit you – wherever you might be living – at least once a year. But it seems all too apparent now that our relationship is just a sham; I make the effort to come and spend a week with you and all you want to do is spend time with your ‘other’ friends. I should have known better… I face rejection every single day… nobody loves Mr Cold (sniffs), excuse me, do you have a handkerchief? Don’t worry Kelly, I’ll be gone soon. I’m booked on a package tour to Spain next week with Mr Toothache and Mr Bronchitis. Sorry I made you feel so rotten,

    Mr Cold

  • Reply Léonie November 14, 2005 at 11:23 am

    He he he he! Funny response!

    But, oh, Kelly, I’m sorry you’re feeling rubbish.

    I’m sending sympathy and Lemsip.


  • Reply Dancinfairy November 14, 2005 at 11:57 am

    Mr Cold: Thank you for your reply. It’s not that I don’t like your visits (who doesn’t like an excuse to lay in bed all day and drink hot toddy’s) it is just your prolonged visit this year. 2 weeks is too long and you have outstayed your welcome. I hope that you understand and have a nice time in Spain. Send me a postcard.

    leonie: Thank you so much. It’s all just so tiresome. I want to be happy bubbly Kelly again.

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