November 1, 2010

I think Piran is napping. Finally. Okay, I know it is only twenty past ten but it has been a testing four hours so far this morning. Poor old Piran, last week he had his cousins on hand to play with all day every day and now he is back here with just me to cope with. It is like he has forgotten how to play by himself. Which is a shame as he was always very good at that and we used to muddle along just fine for a couple hours. I am sure he will settle back but right now he is more about trying to do everything that I don’t want him to do. How do you get through to a 15 month old? He keeps pressing all the buttons on the Sky box. Every time I tell him know and move him away but he just goes straight back and does it again or decides to have a screaming fit instead. Is this just what it is like and I should get used to it, or is there something we can do?

It is mornings like this that make me fear for how we will manage when the new baby comes. Today baby number two (no nickname as yet) is doing a number on me, with terrible sickness. Piran’s poo is interesting and these two things together make me a bit of a wreck! I don’t want to complain, I know this is only the beginning if my last pregnancy is anything to go by but I am beginning to worry. Other people’s reactions have not helped, I think everyone thinks we have done this too soon, but I didn’t want to be 35 when I had baby number two. Mr C is five years older than me and we just felt that there is never a perfect time to have a second baby so we would do it now. I think I am just hormonal and worrying too much at the moment. I am just so tired and take everything a bit personally. My MIL made a comment about the age difference between Piran and the new baby on Saturday and since then I have been all tied up inside. I need to just try and forget about it.

God I am tired though. Sick and tired and really unable to function very well at all. There is so much to think about, so many jobs to get done and things to sort out but all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. But then I get that panicked feeling that nothing will ever get done and things will get worse and worse and the world will end. Or something like that.

I don’t know. I neglect my blog for weeks and then when I do get five minutes to write a post it is all whinging and moaning. Sorry about that. Any words of wisdom or advice and reassurance gratefully received today I think. Help me pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with life.

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