The fact I am pregnant does not mean the first thing you should comment on when seeing me is my size. It’s rude.
No I’m not ‘really big’. You obviously have no bloody idea what size a pregnant person is, and the midwife says it’s normal, so there.
Saying “Oh you look well” in a shocked tone of voice does not make me feel good. What did you expect? I’m pregnant not ill.
Saying “Oh you look nice” in a shocked tone of voice is also bloody annoying. It’s a black tie do, what did you think I would wear? Tracksuit bottoms?
I actually don’t mind people touching the bump if 1) you ask first 2) I have met you before.
Dear shop assistants / strangers / old people please see my first point. I don’t need you to comment on my size.
Yes I really do have three months left. Yes I’m sure.
No it’s not bloody twins in there.
Yes we do know the sex, it’s a girl. No I don’t consider that getting a set, I’m not collecting them FFS.
No I’m not “relived” that this one is a girl so I don’t have to have any more. I want children, probably three and no one is forcing me to have them until I get one of each.
Sneezing / laughing / coming down stairs quickly will not make the baby come out. I wish it was that easy.
How am I feeling? I have constant indigestion, and I’m tired, moody & pregnant actually. Might be better if you don’t ask that one.
I am able to still have a conversation that is in no way baby / pregnancy related. In fact I may kiss you if you talk to me about something else.
Please note, always asking about Piran as a change of subject can be just as annoying. I love talking about my kids as much as the next person, but I’m still an interesting human being, not just a mum. Okay?
*If you are reading this it probably isn’t you I’m talking to. You are all lovely.