Yours Truly

Self doubt

September 30, 2015
Spring Hexie Quilt

My Spring Hexie Quilt. I finally finished sewing the hexagons together last week and added the large borders this weekend.

I went away this weekend to Simply Solids’ sewing retreat in Yorkshire. It was quite frankly brilliant. I hardly took or posted any photos which goes some way to explain how good a time I was having!

In the run up I was so consumed with Kate starting school and getting everything organised so that I could have a weekend away that I didn’t think about what it would actually be like when I got there. Then the night before I left I had a real wobble. I knew that there were people going that I knew. I had even met some of them before. But somewhere in my mind there is a little voice that says what if they don’t like you? What if they don’t remember you? What if the last time they met you they were just being polite and then promptly forgot all about insignificant little you? What if no one wants to talk to me?

Oh those voices. Why do we let them have their say?

I think it was worse than normal because I have not been myself over the past couple of months and with anxiety comes insecurity. Also, when I feel the way I have been feeling I tend to withdraw from everyone – I don’t tweet my friends, I don’t reply to emails. I go inside myself. I don’t make plans with friends. I turn down invitations. I am pretty sure that if this weekend had not already been bought and paid for I might have found a way to get out of it.

And so, feeling all over the place off I went. And wouldn’t you know it, it was completely fine. Better than fine. I spent the weekend surrounded by wonderful, talented, kind, interesting people. Those that knew me, that followed me on Instagram, were thrilled to meet me. Those that I had met before gave me hugs and were genuinely pleased to see me. They aren’t magical people that are better than me, cooler than me, have their shit together more than me. They were all lovely. Those I didn’t know were happy and friendly and I met some wonderful new friends.

I am reluctant to name them as I am bound to forget someone! But still, thank you to Katy and Mandy – we spent a lot of time chatting and these girls understand and make a lot of sense. Seeing Lynne again was lovely. Big thanks to Justine and Lisa for being brilliant company and organising such a brilliant weekend.

Over the weekend we all moved around a bit, doing drop in classes and sewing like mad things but I shared tables with LizShevyAmandaPippa and Maria and they were all so much fun. It was particularly lovely to meet Liz for the first time after we have done so much sewing for each other, Maria who is a member of my Bee Hive Quilts Bee Swarm and talk to Shevy who is always there for me on Instagram with words of kindness and wisdom.

Over the weekend I met and chatted to so many people. It is so easy when you all know that you have a love of sewing in common. Sorry if I haven’t mentioned you, but this post will take me too long to write if I mention everyone! Be assured that it was wonderful to spend a weekend with you all.

This lack of confidence in social situations and the anxiety that comes with it has been on my mind a lot since I got home. Kat said a lovely thing to me on the phone this week when we were chatting about it. That it is the fact that I feel this way that makes me a lovely person. I guess the flip side of feeling like this is that there is absolutely no ego or arrogance here.

Back to reality now! Lots to do and plenty of blog posts that I want to write. I am hoping that the blogger’s block has passed and that I can once again fill my virtual pages.

I love your comments and read and respond to every one. However, I also loved all the tweets and conversations I had after my twitter button on my last post. So for a while at least I am going to pop one on each post giving you an easy way to say hi and comment if you would like to. Just click on the bird to tweet. Either way is good for me x

Tweet: {Self doubt by @Kellyfairy}

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