This post must be only be read after the warning.

February 22, 2006

Trust me.

DISCLAIMER: I am in NO WAY responsible for anything that I may write in the next few paragraphs. I have just been shut in a room for 3 HOURS doing something that is so bloody complicated I have no idea if I am doing it right. My brain offically dribbled out of my ear at approximately 3pm.

So my brain is offically FRIED. This may come across in many ways but the most annoying will be the capital letter torettes disease that I seem to have caught. BUGGERRITT.

Just be thanksful I don’t appear to have an attack of the exclamation marks yet. It could get MUCH worse you know.

So I have been working my little brains out sat in the training room with my laptop. Not too bad I suppose until you realise that I have had to share the room with Paul, which is both nice and off putting at the same time. I just keep wanting to smile at him and I haven’t even barely dared say hello as if someone came in and we were chatting then that night be bad or something. I swear I am COMPLETELY overthinking things at the moment.

The overthinking is due to a number of factors.
1) The length of time between now and the arrival of my monthly visitor. I am in the stupid, clumsy, idiotic stage.
2) I feel at the moment that I am too brash and too loud. My laugh sounds strange to my ears. I am embarrassed by myself a few times each day. This may be linked to number 1.
3) I have not had a cigarette since Sunday night. Not going too bad apart from when I mentioned to a colleague yesterday that if he had said to me what he had just said to someone else I would have “Stabbed him in the face with a screwdriver”. Hmmm. I have a cool counter thingy right at the bottom of my blog with a stressed out dog. It’s a bit hard to read on my dark background but it makes me feel a bit better.
4) I feel too happy. When I feel too happy I have to compensate by worrying about the fact that I am happy and have nothing to worry about so something must go really wrong soon. Yep people I am CRAZY.
5) I always over-think things.

Do you think it is bad that in the past week I have spent one night without Paul? And that was the only night I spent at my flat in a week. Things just seem to be better when we are together. See Jack Johnson for lyrical accompaniment. Not a good idea for him to come and stay at ours anyway as G#1 has threatened to kick us both out if she catches us kissing on the sofa. Bless her, the photographer needs to buck his ideas up a bit I think.

My ipod is playing “Take me to the River” by Talking Heads. Whenever I hear this song it reminds me for that strange mounted fish thing that was out a couple of years ago that sang this when you pressed a button. Something the Bass I think. Anyone?

Oh and go into Google and put in March 20th. What will they think of next?


  • Reply kate February 22, 2006 at 7:47 pm

    i’m constantly embarrassing myself and overthinking things is apparently my favorite passtime.

  • Reply Doug February 22, 2006 at 9:30 pm

    I thought this was going to be a completely hysterical post but it turned out quite nice and you controled your urges to throw your laptop/keyboard across the room. Good Kelly.

  • Reply monkey typist February 22, 2006 at 10:11 pm

    ha! i dont think i’ll be getting any march 20th cards…

    billy (the bass)

    i also get tourettes at work, and am enjoying the contsantly dropping things and spacing outness of pre-visiting time.

  • Reply Léonie February 23, 2006 at 11:30 am

    I’m sorry you’re stressed out. I’m with Doug, though, I think you sound remarkably composed. There are lists in this post, and that is not the sign of somebody whose brain is inching its way down their chin.

    For my part I do not think it’s a bad thing that you’ve only spent one day away from Paul. I think it’s lovely. Lovely lovely.

    I would say “don’t overthink it..” but I know from first hand experience that this is tantamount to saying “just try not to breathe in and out for a day, come on, you can do it…” so I won’t.

    If things are better when you’re with him, then go with it. It sounds wonderful and from the tone of your posts I would say that even when you’re in stressed out mode you seem happy.

    Eat chocolate to make yourself feel better. Oh, even better, get him to FEED you chocolate!

    Lots of virtual love xx

  • Reply running42k February 23, 2006 at 1:32 pm

    I’m a vegetarian so the steak doesn’t really work, but I am fine with the second one.

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