Topsy turvy

November 4, 2009

I am not having a very good week if I am honest with you. Those that follow me on Twitter may have noticed some exasperated tweets about the fact that Piran will not nap but it is more than that. I am not sure if it is since the clocks changed or since his second set of jabs last week but everything seems to have changed. We had a lovely routine, I knew that he would go 3 hours between each bottle during the day and 4 at night. I was coping with getting up at night. We were starting to have regular naps and I was getting good at judging how long he would be asleep for and what I could manage in that time. Going out was a doddle.

But now I have no idea. He cries and cries during the day. Sometimes he is hungry after two hours, other times he will go 3 and a half. This makes going out much harder. Sometimes he wants to sleep but refuses to nap unless he has screamed the house down for the best part of an hour first. I do not seem to be able to soothe him at all. He cries in the car, in his pushchair, in town. He has given up his dummy and just pokes it straight out of his mouth if I even try to offer it to him.

I stood in the living room holding him in my arms yesterday and cried my heart out because I just do not understand him anymore. I was meant to go to the dentist but I would have had to drop off a difficult baby with my MIL at her work and it was raining so hard and I just couldn’t do it. So now my appointment is next Monday and I cannot take him with me so I have to work something out. I have mouth ulcers which are agony because I am run down and constant toothache.

I just don’t know where I have gone wrong, I just don’t know how to get back on track. We are going to Cornwall in 9 sleeps and my worst nightmare is him being like this when I am there, I have 4 nights without Mr C there, and if I am having trouble with Piran how will I cope? I was so excited to go and now I am dreading it. I am a good mum and I want my family to see that.

Is this usual for 3 months?

Any suggestions?

19 Comments

  • Reply Amy November 4, 2009 at 11:37 am

    I always found 3months was a bump in road with all my 4. everything would be going fine then all of a sudden they would change their routine and all hell would break loose.

    My advice would be to take a step back and observe him for a whole day, feed him when he's hungry let him sleep when he's tired. throw your current routine out the window and start again. Pretend you have just had him and you have to work it all out again.

    You do know him you are just going through a stage where he is becoming more awake and active. Watch him. try to guess what he wants and write down when he feeds when he sleeps you will see a pattern and hopefuly you can reign in the routine again and get back on track.

    After having four it has made me come to expect the rebellion of the routine. take a deep breath YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! good luck and lots of love xxxxxx

  • Reply Hot Cross Mum November 4, 2009 at 11:52 am

    I agree with Amy. I have found with both mine (now 4 and 2) that they do this to you a lot – just when you think you have it sussed, they change, and so must you. It is incredibly hard after so much effort into getting it all working smoothly but is part of them developing. I don't have a magic formula but it's always good to try and take a step back and re-think things. Don't be too tough on yourself either – it will get easier again. Good luck in Cornwall. If it makes you feel any better, I just posted about feeling like a mummy robot!

  • Reply Emma November 4, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Its hard but you just need to go with the flow – could be a growth spurt, could be the jabs, could be anything, but the more you stress the more he will pick up on it.

    Unfortunately for us babies can pick up on our body language far better than we can – they can't understand much spoken language so this is what they use.

    I used to resort to putting my daughter in a sling and dancing round the room with the radio (or CD) on loud enough to mask the crying (very loud sometimes!). Think it calmed me enough that she would eventually calm down.

    If you're in pain from the ulcers then he will pick up on this too – he'll sense you're hurting and be scared of this. Sometimes with another, calmer, person they can be fine. My daughter always used to settle for my dad as he was so calm and experienced (I'm one of 4 kids) that she picked up on this and fell fast asleep! So maybe your MIL would be fine?

    Probably Cornwall will relax you both – walks in the sling along the coast path or on the beach are guaranteed to settle a fractious baby (or Mum – at least they do for me)

  • Reply Bec November 4, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    I completely agree with Amy, in fact if u can get hold of a copy of Tracey Hoggs Baby Whisperer book, she really helps with routine and understanding/reading your babies signs and signals- like Gina Ford but way softer and diluted.
    Any probs we are always here for you, just tweet!
    Cornwall although u may not believe it is probably just what u need, family on tap to help you and fresh air and different walls?? xxxxx

  • Reply Rebel Mother November 4, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    Oh you poor love. Been there. Amy's advice is excellent. Babies do change routines, and boys get very windy. Not colic?

    Your tired and run down, I always get mouth ulcers. Swish with salt – cleans them out and relieves them.

    Anyone who's had a baby understands the first few months are trial and error, but you will get through it.

    Hope you enjoy Cornwall. Lovely place.

    Love RMxx

  • Reply Sew Scrumptious November 4, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    I have to say Gina Ford routines worked for my daughter when she was about 12 weeks and not sleeping. Took a couple of days and then the sleep times and feed times really seemed to suit her so maybe give it a try. You can do your own more relaxed version of it. If the crying a lot during the day is a new thing maybe take him to the GP just to get reassurance that he is ok before you start a new routine tho. Also you need to look after yourself too! Ask for help. A crying baby is really stressful particularly for mums. Don't worry if he crys when you are away – it doesn't make you a bad mum. Your family will want to help and support you. Use the time to catch up on some sleep. If you are happier he will pick up on this. If its any consolation my 15 month old has gone from being a great sleeper to being up for hours at a time at night crying. I know how stressful it is when you are eshausted. Hang in there. It will get better. These things go in phases. Maybe he is teething??
    Thinking of you. x p.s Can you email me your address as have something I want to send you.

  • Reply Sew Scrumptious November 4, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    p.s I can really spell exhausted! Typo!!

  • Reply TheMadHouse November 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I found 12 – 16 weeks really hard with both of the boys. It was the point in which I became too tired to function and they became hungry, teething, refusing little men with minds of their own.

    But it does get better, look at the time away as an opportunity to recharge you batteries. You family are going to want to help, so let them and go and nap at every opportunity.

    The other thing that helped with me was switching to a one nap routine they went to sleep at noonish till 3pm, but only did the one day.

    Routine isnt the be all and end all, do as Amy says try and pick up in any clues and write it down, my sleed addled brain fogged up so I forgot all sorts.

    Most of all it is just a stage, remember how quick the last three months have gone by, this difficult time will seem so small in the weeks and years to come

  • Reply april November 4, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    As everyone else has essentailly said – babies change and it makes things impossible at times. You are doing a great job as a mum, to worry about this to put yourself second to the point of being as run down as you are – you love your little one and that is what makes a good mum. (oh and it will all get better – it will.)

  • Reply Mum with carrot in her hair November 4, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Little Legs went through exactly the same at about 14 weeks old. I went from thinking I'd cracked it to going straight back to square one. In our case I think it was a growth spurt but I had a day with no plans and like Amy said I just observed her for the day. I fed her when she seemed hungry and tried not to think too much about the times she was used to. Once I did this things started to fall into place again. Just keep your chin up. You know your son better than anyone else in the world just let him show you again x

  • Reply Insomniac Mummy November 4, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    ((Hugs))

    They change so frequently when they are tiny and like to keep you on your toes.

    Both mine went through growth spurts at around 12 weeks and the whole 'routine' changed again.

    Try not to be too rigid in what you think is right and be led by Piran's lead a little. Eventually you will reach a compromise.

    You'll both find your footing again soon enough.

    More ((hugs))

    xxx

  • Reply The Bump Wear Project November 4, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    I cant remember who told me this, but someone on twitter. Baby's apparently have bad times at 3 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks …. they get upset, hungry and restless. Can last a day or a week. Something to do with growth spurts. That's why LG was a nightmare the other day – she just changed over night.

    I was also advised to get a copy of the baby whisperer ….

    What Amy says makes sense. And dont worry, you can soooo do this.

    Cornwall will be fine – happy mummy = happy baby. Chin up chick xxxx

  • Reply Coding Mamma (Tasha) November 4, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    I can't remember when exactly, but Rosemary definitely had a number of sudden changes like that. Just whenwe thought we had something resembling a routine and were on the point of adding specific office hours to our email signatures, everything wouldchange, and we'd have a few days of chaos and sleepless nights and tearing our hair out. Then a new (vague) rutine would become apparent and things would settle down again.

    Amy's advice sounds perfect. Don't think it ever occurred to us to observe Rosemary to see the routine she was veering towards and then help her keep to it, but it's kind of what we ended up doing by default.

    Try not to worry about the trip to Cornwall. Your family will probably be very happy to give you lots of breaks, and you'll hopefully feel calmer with it, which will rub off on Piran.

    Good luck!

  • Reply gaelikaa November 5, 2009 at 8:25 am

    Yes, I saw your tweets. Kelly, motherhood is like this. Just when you've got it all figured out, the goalposts move. Take it easy, it's normal. Things WILL get better. Just expect the unexpected. You are a great mum.

  • Reply Laura McIntyre November 5, 2009 at 9:09 am

    I cannot remember things around 3 months with my girls but it was at 3 months everything went to heck with my boy.

    Before 3 months things had been pretty good, sure he fed ALOT . Barely going an hour between feeds and spending from around 7-11 on me non stop .He did not nap much during the day and being away from me would mean he would scream. A sling saved my life those early months , i would put him in it and he would be happy and i could also feed in it meaning i could still deal with my girls.
    The good thing was he slept all night , after he finished feeding at night we would snuggle up together and he would happily sleep till about 6/7 am (whenever my girls woke up).
    Around 3 months everything changed and he refused to sleep with me, he would scream and scream till he got put down. Problem was when he got put down he would wake within 30 minutes for more milk . The year from hell basically followed.

    I am sure it is just growing pains /spurt with baby , motherhood is so hard and this age where they cannot tell you what is up really sucks

  • Reply Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy November 5, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Everyone has said what I want to say – but it really is a case of just when you think you've got it sussed the whole ball, goalposts and entire damn bloody football field move.

    Watch him, go with the flow, expect it and don't beat yourself up about it.

  • Reply zooarchaeologist November 7, 2009 at 10:11 am

    Its totally totally normal. In fact At nearly 10 months baby Fifi is sleeping for the most at 5 hours at a go (not to worry you).
    Like others say this is just a stage and it will change and get better. I can remember telling the HV that I wanted her to take Toddler boy away. Dont worry yourself too much and for goodness sake give Piran to MiL or whoever, this is the time when you need a break for yourself xxx

  • Reply cartside November 7, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    I know my comment is late, but just to add – it could be colics, which tends to happen around 3 months. It's horrible, but it'll pass (have a look at Crysis website, it helped me a lot).

    Amy's advice is great, it's about finding out what's up. It could be early teething (with my girl it was, first 2 teeth cut through at 12 weeks), could be over stimulation – needing sleep but not being able to fall off. If the latter is the case, find something that works and don't worry about creating bad habits – they can be changed later. For some babies it'll be swaddling, others a dummy, others fennel tea (yes you can offer fennel tea, it's soothing for the tummy), try baby massage, an electric swing, walking to sleep, carrying to sleep (in a sling), driving to sleep, a hairdryer on cool setting on the tummy worked for a friend of mine. Music, singing, shushing, shuggling and patting on the back.

    No guarantee what works for you – for us it was the electric swing and as soon as we had it we managed to establish a routine, but it may be something else for you.

    Good luck with it! And always remember, it'll pass, honestly! I never believed it when I was in the middle of it, and it was so so tough, but it did pass.

  • Reply Sandy Calico November 7, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    Oh love, he's keeping you on your toes! Have you tried the sling exchange yet? It's impossible to push a buggy along the sand and the fresh air from those walks will do you both good. Also make the most of your mum, let her mother you too while you're there. (I would if I lived anywhere near you). Also I would take him to your GP, just to rule out anything physically wrong. Cash had reflux and screamed with the pain. A lot. As soon as we treated him with Gaviscon Infant he was a different baby. Oh and bicarb on mouth ulcers works a treat for me. Take care of yourself and, if I don't catch you on Twitter, have a lovely holiday xxx

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