I have so much to say that I don’t really know where to start! Prepare for a number of posts to come raining out of the sky like cats and dogs.
First I would like to recount two phone conversations that I have had this week.
The first was between me and Dippy Mother on Tuesday night. For the purpose of this post my thought will be in italics.
DM: Now I have just called to tell you when we will be arriving to stay in August. Have you got a pen?
Fairy: I am sure that I will remember.
DM: Well that is not what happened last year.
Fairy: Oh, yes, crap! Um yes well……
DM: While I am on can I ask you something cheeky?
Fairy: What like can I borrow a tenner? Of course you can Mum.
DM: Well, um, I was having an impromptu cream tea with Fran this week (ohh, la-de-dah), and well you know what she is like, and well she said…um……
Fairy: Come on woman Spit it out Mum.
DM: Well she said that she had heard that Arrogant Al….
Fairy: Lovely, what is that freak of an ex boyfriend up to now? What about him?
DM: Well Fran says that he has a boyfriend.
Fairy: What the fuck? These are people who live 300 miles away in a little village and he comes from the nearest town to them but they aren’t freinds with his parents or anything. If this is true how can they know and I don’t? Oh god, does everyone know and they are hiding it from me? Well Mum I haven’t heard anything but I don’t really see him that often.
DM: Find out for me?
Truth is it wouldn’t surprise me. My straight boyfriend changed into a bisexual boyfriend in the time that we were together. But this is NOT INFORMATION THAT YOUR VERY CHRISTIAN MOTHER SHOULD KNOW.
It was great coming into work on Wednesday and when Mouldy asked how I was saying “Well it looks like I have turned another man gay!”
So I did some asking and emailing and by the following night I was in the out with mutual friends of both myself and the man in question and in the end Security Guard just picked up his phone and called him! This was the conversation. I am making up Arrogant Al’s replies as well it was a phone conversation so I couldn’t hear.
Security Guard: Alright mate?
Arrogant Al: Fine thanks, you?
Security Guard: Well I just phoned to ask you something.
Arrogant Al: Ok
Security Guard: Well I was talking to Kelly and she says that her Mum says that Fran says you are chocking back cock at the moment.
I have no idea what happened after this as I fell off my chair in fits of laughter! As did Dawnie, Paul and G#1.
Turns out it is untrue though. I’m kinda glad, the “You turned your ex boyfriend gay” thing was already getting a bit boring.