If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie’s fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak. This week is week 9 of the Writing Workshop. This is my submission, I chose to write amount something that I miss.
I miss coming first.
I love being a mum. I knew my life would change when I had a baby but no one can prepare you for what it is actually like.
My husband doesn’t get it. He came in at the weekend and told me that he was off round to his mums. Now, he would only be gone for 20 minutes but it is the fact that he can just up and leave when he feels like it and he just assumes that I will look after the baby. In fact, I doubt it even crosses his mind.
That is not my life anymore. I am no longer able to do something as simple as go to the toilet without first considering someone else. Where is Piran, what is he doing, is he safe, can I leave him, how long until he notices I am gone and starts crying?
Now, I know that most of my readers will understand this. I am not complaining, but I do find it difficult at times.
There was a point where I was on holiday visiting family in November last year when I realised that being a mum was my full time job now, one that I quite probably will not get a holiday from for a very long time. When we are on holiday I still have to do everything that I do at home, so it is just the same stuff, different view! Where my husband is able to put his feet up, have a drink and relax because he is on holiday, I am still packing half the house, ensuring all baby needs are met and sorting out everything he will need as well. When do I get to put my feet up?
I am lucky, there have on occasions been times where I have baby free hours. However, I am afraid I have to admit to wandering around aimlessly, taking time to acclimatise myself to being alone, able to freely make decisions. It usually clicks into place 30 minutes before my time is up and the baby is back. I need to work on that! Mind you, I pay for the free time before and after, spending time rushing around packing all the bottles and things that he will need, then having to deal with the baby who didn’t nap as much as normal and has morphed into a grump!
‘Me’ time has been scarce recently, thanks to weather and Christmas and illness. But this week I have Thursday, Saturday and Sunday choc full of activities that are solely about me. Meetings and appointments, creative writing courses and a spa day (which just means a head massage and an afternoon of people watching and afternoon tea!). By the end of the third day I am sure that I will have got back into the swing of getting on and looking after me. I may even relax and enjoy myself, and I will go to the toilet without a thought.
However, ask me on Sunday evening what I miss.