X Factor

January 4, 2006

Written for Blogging4Books.

I have talked a little in the past about what it was like growing up where I did and the kind of friendships that we formed. What I haven’t really touched on his how this all worked in the relationship stakes.

Growing up in Cornwall tended to be slightly limiting for your social life. From the ages of 13 – 16 the people that I hung out with in the evenings and weekends were 90% boys. For most of this time I was just the subject of their annoyance and ridicule. Then somewhere along the line something changed between me and my friend Piers and my first serious relationship was born. I was 15 and IN LOVE. I was still the subject of their annoyance and ridicule but there was some delicious kissing action to be had to. However love’s young dream never lasts and I went off on holiday with my parents and he kissed Jon’s foster sister. I was heartbroken. The nature of the way that we lived however was that I still had to see him every day. Unless I wanted to stay in with my Mum and be Billy no mates that is. So, we became just friends and in time that was ok.

From 16-19 there were a number of boys in my life. I was very fickle with my emotions those days, falling in and out of love at the drop of a hat. But you hardly ever met new people, so things tended to stay within a group of us. Admittedly it was a big group of us at least 30+. But as usual with all this falling in and out of love willy nilly you still had to see these people (or stay at home with your Mum) so we learned to heal quickly and move on so that the group was never disrupted for long!

When I was older and a teensy bit wiser I met and fell head over heels in love with Ali. We endured a four year rollercoaster of a relationship including moving to Brighton before finally growing apart and I had to be strong and tell him that we had to stop before we hurt each other. In doing so though, I really hurt him. For the first time in our lives however we were in a place big enough that we didn’t have to see each other, there didn’t need to be awkward social situations and for this I feel like I suffered. For the first time they didn’t have to be my friend anymore. They could avoid situations where I would be and by doing so break my heart over and over again. When I did see him the pain was still so fresh and raw that it took years to get over him. Because of this I carried the pain and scars of that relationship into my next.

The next, and last true relationship was Steve. This is one I cannot even comment on as it seems like a dream to me. That is because after 2 and a half years together we broke up almost two years ago. I have not seen him since. He was always very adamant that he would not stay friends with an ex. I have not laid eyes on him since the day he left my house when I said it was over for good. Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to bump into him again but I think that is a can of worms that I would love to keep the lid on.

I used to think that staying friends was the only civilised way to do it. Now I think that I am changing my mind.


  • Reply soulmining January 4, 2006 at 11:13 pm

    In an ideal world it’s good to part as friends. Life’s too short to be holding grudges, it just leads to bitterness and resentment. BUT, it’s tricky with ex’s… you can always remain civil and ‘friendly’ toward ex-lovers but it’s rare to keep within the same social circle… it’s just awkward, there’s too much history.

    I guess sometimes a clean break is the best thing all round.

  • Reply Mouldy January 5, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    Well! What a profound love life you have had!
    The question I want to ask is why would you write your relationship history with including that little thing called a marriage?

    I shall say no more

  • Reply Léonie January 5, 2006 at 4:42 pm

    I think it varies from person to person to ex to ex.

    I’m sorry for so ruthlessly stealing your idea.

    I liked your post and it made me think.. which made me steal…

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